Here is where i am everything i try not to be.I let everything out.
You can expect a whole load of weirdness.
Feel free to Tag/Comment.Please do leave your name though.
Would be nice to know who's reading this...
Much love,
Tasha.

just got home. the days pass by just like that. i wanna go shopping tomorrow. so I'll be waking up early. i wish Celia could go with me but i guess I'll be alone this time. shopping alone is really no fun. i don't know what to get anyone for Christmas this year. Christmas just doesn't feel like Christmas...

i miss him. not just having him around for me to call and talk to and meet and be close to or what. i really miss him. just looking at him would make me at least a little content.
the tears last night made me feel a little better at least.
i keep thinking about what he's doing at this very moment... does he still miss me... is he angry...? is he alright....
yea yea i know I'm pathetic. but i guess its normal.


club night tomorrow. cant wait to get my mind off everything.

i don't understand myself sometimes. i get jealous for the most stupid reasons.

I've been emoing since last night. i haven't cried since it happened. and i feel like it now but there aren't any tears. i felt this pain today... physical pain in my heart. ever felt that? i recognised it.. and i know what it was. but i don't know what i cant cry.
i cant think of being with anyone new. i just feel like going back but i know i cant. i don't want to go back but i want to... i miss him. so so much...

Mel asked me to listen to this song. and it's on repeat now...




i might cry tonight.

So i guess I've lost yet another best friend.... ?
I don't wanna believe it. i wish things were different.
i cant believe you'd change so much.
you've left me to suffer alone. and i was always there for you...

Club tonight with my kum chengs:)
at least that's got my moral going for the day.
Patti and Tatta's birthday today so we're going out for dinner.

I'm thinking of somethings.. and there's no one for me to confide in... no one who'd truly understand from the heart. only Celia would know but now.. nvm...

i wanna go pierce my ear later. I've got ten bucks so might as well make full use of it.
i wanna go count my money now.

i just realised something... isn't tonight like gay night or something????

my throat really hurts. like... REALLY hurts. i cant sing anymore. that sucks. and i keep coughing. and its so hard to breath. when i try to breath in i feel like I'm choking and like i cant breath... i cant even sleep... one more day of work then I'll have my off day. it's already packed. I'm going for my hair cut at 1030am. then spending time with mummy. then Timmy's performance at esplanade at 730 then St James at night.

I'm totally broke. that's really annoying cuz I've gotten my bills already. and the chalet money and other stuff.... shopping is important too :P

i thought of him today.... it's sad really. we had so much going. i trusted him every bit. but then he cheated. then he left and treated me like... hah... then he came back. then i cheated. then i went back... and i kept it going. till i wanted to get serious. he was so sweet to stay with me through it all. but then i got pregnant and he panicked? hit me and stuff... and i lost the baby. and it's nothing to him. he wasn't there. at all. he didn't even get to see our baby. i did. and i still remember. tiny thing inside me... i felt it. i knew even before i took the test. i kept telling him. he forced alcohol on me and i didn't refuse. he hit me and i let him. he played rough and so did i. we messed around... and i lost our baby... with that, i lost faith. it still hurts. but who cares? no one but me. i wish there was someone who I'd fall in love with like i did with him. i never felt that before. and it's still with me. i don't wanna see him cuz i know I'll go weak. and i don't wanna be weak. I'm totally independent now. when i told my family, they were all so happy. the opinion that matters the most to me is Timmy's. and he was so happy. i could tell he was so proud of me. but i hope it lasts. that's the reason I'm clubbing and stuff. i never club. never ever before. i never danced either. not once. but now, i go, i drink, i smoke, i dance and i have fun. no one to answer to. yes i went over board once. but i swear it wont happen again anytime soon. unless I'm freaking emo or something...
i started to miss him today... but i don't want to miss him.
Melvin played his music in the kitchen today. it lightened my mood a little. but it didn't help much.
i feel like staying home tomorrow... but i think i should go. cuz i need the money. i wish i could earn like 80 + a day like Donna but i cant cuz i cant wake up to go in early. you know why? cuz I'm still awake at this hour typing shit on the com.

i feel like watching a movie. i haven't seen newmoon yet :(

oh well, i guess i can forget it. maybe Saturday?? since Celia is not working too.. but I'm broke. so yea.. damnit!

i don't wanna play the broken hearted girl. so I'm gonna be okay.
fuck I'm gonna cry...

shit luhhh

it's a very Emotional day today. i woke up to a msg that was supposed to make me smile. and yet, it made me pissed off. "i don't know if I'm thick skin or....? happy 3 years 1 month....! ......."

i don't know the official date we broke up but it feels really official. and i feel good about it. like, i feel free. but sometimes... sometimes i feel all shitty and stuff.... i guess that's part of the package. being single is easy if you like go out and party and stuff everyday. being home and awake in the middle of the night stinks. cuz it gives you time to think...

blah blah blah. i promised Mel that i wont think anymore. so i won't.

I'm hungry now. i feel like cheese fries or something...

Club again on Wednesday. but Donna's not gonna go. she's responsible. unlike me. heh
we'll be going with a bunch of ppl from work whom i hardly know. hope it'll be as much fun as it was the last two times. after seeing the photos from after i went nuts, i feel like a complete idiot.
i think wearing what's comfortable to me is not such a good idea next time. cuz seriously, it it wasn't for the tiny safety pin attached to my bra i think my top would have fallen all the way down. I've said this before.. that i should learn how to control my drinking. but i just wanna have fun you know. and its not so much fun when your in control...
but damn man... seriously. after i remembered everything that happened.. Damn...

it's over. and i swear, i... gosh. nevermind.

i miss Celia and Jib. oh yea, the chalet is being moved to east coast by the way. i dunno how it's gonna be cuz I've never been before. but i think it'll be cool cuz every one's still going so...

alright, I'm kinda sleepy now. Prakash is supposed to be online at 3. I'm supposed to wait for him. but I'm sleepy!!! and hungry :(

oh booo!!!

k I'm not gonna wait. I'm sleepy. and I'm going shopping tomorrow.
so Goodnight!!!

yea the party don't start till we walk in

The past couple of day have been awesome. hanging out with the people i love. partying all night and sleeping all day. oh yes, not forgetting working too. but you see, when you party, then you go to work, that's the most fun cuz it makes work like a party too :D

laughing like crazy and dancing in the kitchen.
it was so funny cuz when we got to the hotel, we saw each other and started laughing. haha!!! funny shitzz man

I'm late holly shit! ok. I've gotta go get ready for diner now.

Loves to all!!!!

well, not ALL. but yea. you get the picture.

I'm going out tonight. and I'm gonna take photos. and I'm gonna laugh. and play. and stay out late.

I'm gonna be happy tonight.

i don't care about you, or you or even you. i don't care about any of you anymore.

when you think of it, every little piece of it is keeping me from turning blue

My body is in holiday mode already :)
but my bank account isn't.
My casual labour money is not in yet! sad sad :(

i guess I'll have to survive till the 21st.
i sprained my back while drying my hair yesterday. so i didn't go in to work today. i wasted like $56 luhh!

ouh ouh! let me tell you about my plans for this end of year!
I'm going to get one piercing, one more tattoo, one cover up, get back in shape, and find happiness. Fucking enjoy myself at our chalet and be totally care free.
i would say stop smoking but i know i wont. quit drinking? get real!
I'm just gonna make myself happy. do whatever the fuck i want and put a smile on my own face.
i would show you a draft of the new ink but i think I'll wait for a while.
i don't wanna waste the day away so I'm gonna go pamper myself now. I'll start with a work out. then a hot shower. then... we'll see :)

In the early days, Natasha Weerasekera was a skinny little girl with no friends and only herself to talk to.
Thus, She developed a slight mental unstability.
Also tends to go nutts at random moments.
She likes being weird
and thinks she is the queen of awesomeness.
Studies in ITE.
and absolutely Loves her bestfriends.